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The two pick at their dinner salads, staring down at the leafy mound before them. Finally, one of them tries to grease the wheels of conversation. Some people consider themselves skilled communicators because they can talk endlessly.

But the ability to speak is only one part of the equation—and not the most important part.

They scan the room, menu, and table setting, only occasionally making eye contact. The key to having a positive experience is relaxed conversation, and that can be helped along with some well-chosen first-date questions.

Think of conversation as a tennis match in which the players lob the ball back and forth. They ask personal or sensitive questions that put the other person on the defensive. If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: they use a date as an opportunity to purge and vent.

The process begins by providing lots of space for the full expression of information and asking follow-up questions to further draw out the one talking.

With those thoughts in mind, now it’s time to think about specific first date questions.

Part of it, too, is that there’s more of an understanding (or at least there’s supposed to be) that hiring and applying for jobs is, well, business not personal.

As a result, everyone involved is expected to handle rejection reasonably professionally.

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